Burnt Toast and Broiled Weasels: A Goulash

As of Sunday, I will finally have completed my compulsive education. I shall walk with all of my graduation classmates down the aisle, wearing blue polyester, and hopefully my purple converses (mom wouldn’t let me tie a charm to the end of my tassel); At the end of the line, I will receive a document, and then…I shall be free.

…

YAHOOOOOOO!

Er, well, actually it’s really a mixture of ‘yahoo’ and ‘dear-gods-what-the-heck-am-I-doing” to be perfectly frank. I’m looking forward to college, and having the time to explore my own interests till three in the morning if I wish and can finagle it with my roommate, have a library open for me twenty-four hours a day (*drool*) or just visit with my relatives in the area. On the other hand, I’m going to be in Baltimore, which is a wee bit far from New York to put it mildly, and I’ll be away from my parents for six months or more, something that isn’t exactly usual for me. Actually, unlike most teens, I’ve had a pretty good relationship with my parents…or at least throughout most of my history. Now though…heh…well…

I have a great relationship with my dad that has come up within the last few years. I’m not sure how to typify it, but it boils down to he’ll give me an honest answer, even if it’s “I don’t know”, and the same goes for me. My mom though…er…I used to be able to talk to her honestly, and she was quite literally my best friend all through middle school. But since three years ago, it’s become harder to connect with her (due to some spectacular bouts of depression on her part) and I used to be able to talk with her about ner-nigh anything, and now, I’m walking on eggshells- and…oh gods, I’m babbling all over the place, dang it.

It’s just sad I think.

Ah well.

Anyhoo, looking back on my year, there are a few facts I wish to relate:

• When creating a film, there are a few things one should take into account:
  • If you are working with Juniors, don’t start filming during APs
  • Making sure you understand imovie BEFORE you start the whole project
  • Storyboard out clips etc. AFTER the script is done
  • Write the script while not listening to techno. It does odd things to your brain
  • BE ORGANIZED!

• Cold Pizza for breakfast is actually good!
• When staying over at a friend’s house, make sure their aero bed is working. Otherwise, your back will not be in it’s usual form in the morning. OW.
• Waking up one morning to realize that the Master and the Doctor would make a really cute couple, along with the realization that the reason your Mother doesn’t like Donna is due to Donna being like one of her many relatives (except more made of win), can be bad for your will to leave your bed.
• There is no such thing as too many books, only not enough storage space.

Right, I’m off. Have to get everything organized for my art critical tomorrow (Weeee!).

An odd wish

This might seem a bit odd coming from me, but there’s something I want more than anything right now. Yes, more than my usual desires and dreams. Not more than my drive to create, but it’s there.

What is it?

Silence.

REAL Silence. Not that dreaded deep, ominous quiet that makes you shake in your boots but actual SILENCE.

No, I’m not kidding. Sweet, calm, blessed silence…jeeze, I’m salivating thinking about it. It’s just lately, it seems that I haven’t had a moment of pure quiet, when I can hear the birds chirping and my own heartbeat in my ears. I’m having to cover up the noise with other noises; a group of kids talking, in pop the headphones, my mom having one of her moods, headphones or pieces of tissues, plus my own muttering. Dear gods, I feel like a telepath in a madhouse sometimes.

So yes, if anyone can package a moment of pure silence, for me to taste right before I go to bed, so that I may hear the sound of my cat purring and the ticking of the clock, I’d love a portion.

Revelation! (No, not Myst…)

(I still need to edit this, so please forgive any spelling errors {grin} )

Today, in the throes of a lack of something constructive to do, or to be honest a lack of a constructive task that I wanted to do, I began to doodle in the dirt. There is a lovely patch right before one crosses into lower L building that lies barren, just waiting for someone with a dried-out pen to begin scratching in the dust. It was as my hands were busy, leaving my mind free to wander, that I suddenly realized just why I’ve been having writer’s block for the last few weeks:

You all know me, and certainly the way I talk; well, I write the same manner. It’s less like stream of consciousness and more of a barely controlled ramble (and I do get somewhere eventually ) that does exactly what it wants, hence my addiction to footnotes* and sometimes my characters sounding as if they have the same voice. Lately however, I’ve been having some emotional turmoil, along with more than a bit of stress, and that doesn’t spell good tidings for my writing. I need quiet, a body that doesn’t feel like a rubber band stretched across two chairs, and a mind that can let the words flow out. Put the Katling on stress however, and the rubber band does not simply stretch, it SNAPS, the nooks and crannies of my brain have the cleaning staff go on permanent strike for better pay**, and I, in a few words, stare moodily at the computer screen, typing the letter G over and over in irritation.

I couldn’t see were the block was coming from before now, and I think seeing the exact place I’m being boarded from will help me find out where the heck I need to cut the lines holding the ship of my brain down. It’s time to write something with a new slant, and in order to start doing that, I need to see what to fix.

So here’s to drawing in the dirt!

*I can quit anytime I want! {shuffles to the left}

**they probably get better dental than I do…{grumble}

The Cry of the wounded Wombat

    Dear Lords and Ladies, I feel drained. Not just wrung down, but as if some energy vampire had decided to attack my pressure points, rather than my jugular. This may be due to a plethora of schoolwork, some interesting happenings at home, and a growing feeling that I really need a break.

I haven’t been writing, for pete’s sake; I think that speaks for itself. *tired laugh*

I’ll be trying to write, but I cannot make promises…

Well…here we go again…:)

I’m not really sure what to say at this point…maybe that my school has blocked livejournal, but not wordpress? That I love the communties on livejournal, but have needed a place just to write, rant, and generally carry on? I’ll probably be using both of the accounts, but for the most part, here I stand, here I shall be, and here I will make my sounds.

Shall we commence the carrying on?

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